I used to think that with time, and a whole lot of it; that somewhere in between, I would cross paths with what I would consider my true self and my personal growth.
Truth is, life doesn’t work that way. There’s never just one designated path, and in actuality, putting such need for control towards your own directional growth will lead to your own eventual loss of true self.
You lose yourself in the process, because of that constant feeling of wanting to be in control of your own growth.
It just doesn’t work out that way, as I’ve learned, with my own progressive growth.
Instead, I found that it really limited myself by setting a definite version of how I should be. I wasn’t as authentic as I thought I would be, I wasn’t embracing my flaws. I was only allowing the validation and approval of others, take over my sense of what a positive accomplishment was. I wasn’t celebrating on my own little victories. Instead, I wasn’t allowing myself to expand and grow in more directions than one.
I’ve learned to not feel the inferiority of not being able to keep pace with others because they may or may not be experiencing the same hardships as I am. That took a long time for me to accept.
Growth is a neverending process, a process where you find yourself growing even more once you’ve reached towards an accomplishment, a goal, or an endpoint.
The other side of growing up and connecting your true self involves healing from negativities, which can be as ugly as hell. Healing is hard because that means you’re owning up to your own failures, processes that didn’t quite turn out the way you wanted, things you didn’t expect. Something I still struggle with today, and aids as a constant reminder that all this struggling is a sign of my own growth.
It takes a whole lot of energy and is not as simple as it looks. It’ll take some patience on some days, and pain during others. Then there are days where all the positive growth and development kicks in.
However, you rarely have the time to do everything, but you don’t want to waste it either. Choices became a big factor in my own personal growth. Learning to make decisions, and doing more things independently. Instead of that sense of belonging, I felt a sense of who I am.
In this next chapter in my life, I want to a different level of happiness that goes beyond just self-love. I want success, and to be surrounded by nothing but good energy around me. As hard as it sounds, I’m trying to slowly get there. My growth has helped me with that, and though I may not know what challenges may abrupt in the process. I refuse to stay stagnant, and I refuse to become a fixated static entity.